Man Sues Ben Graham’s Dead Body For “Useless Book On Valuations That Are Meaningless In Today’s Market”
Man Sues Ben Graham’s Dead Body For Writing Useless Book On Valuations That Are Meaningless In Today’s Market
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Q2 2020 hedge fund letters, conferences and more
Mack Daniels Sues Ben Graham’s Dead Body
Wishing that he never read The Intelligent Investor, Mack Daniels is suing Ben Graham’s dead body for writing a useless book on valuation that is meaningless in today’s market. “I read The Intelligent Investor over 20 times,” Mack stated violently. “What a complete waste of time.”
According to data group HFR, hedge funds, on average, were up 2% in the first eight months of the year. On an asset-weighted basis, funds returned -4.1%. Eurekahedge’s figures show a -0.7 drop for funds on average on an asset-weighted basis. Q2 2020 hedge fund letters, conferences and more Behind these numbers, there’s a huge Read More
Mack Daniels, 35, was your everyday man. He drove a red pickup truck. Had a wife with large ones. And hung out with the boys drinking PBR in a smelly garage. Everything was going well for Mack until he found out about The Intelligent Investor.
“I used to get all of my stock picks from Wall Street Bets,” Mack said reminiscing. “Those were the good ole days. Drop $5 grand into a naked call option on a 3x levered ETF and make $50 grand. But those days are through.”
Mack turned his measly net worth from one thousand to over a million buying whatever was most popular on Wall Street Bets. But when he found out about The Intelligent Investor, everything changed.
Investing In Margin Of Safety
“I read that book at least 20 times,” Mack stated. “I learned about this thing called margin of safety. It’s where you act on common sense and limit risk. Not sell your cousin’s newborn to the Saudi’s so you can go all in on a inverse gold ETF. I thought it was genius.”
After reading The Intelligent Investor Mack immediately started to implement the practice of a dull, and boring value investor. “I got out of all my option contracts and started investing in high quality companies with a significant margin of safety.”
And then Mack lost all of his money. “I went all in on newspapers, movie theaters, radio stations and oil and gas service providers. I essentially went broke in under a minute.”
To cope with poverty, Mack has filed a lawsuit on Ben Graham’s dead body. “I’m suing this dead old geezer’s dead body for $400 million.” Experts believe Graham’s body will settle.
This satire article first appeared on The Stonk Market