Neuralink’s Pig Tells Scientists To Short Tesla Inc
BREAKING – In what comes as a massive breakthrough in Neuralink’s technology, Gertrude the pig sent brainwaves to scientists telling them to short Tesla Inc. “I didn’t know what I was reading at first,” Walton Smith lead scientist at Neuralink stated. “But when I figured out Gertrude was telling us to short Tesla Inc I called my broker and backed the truck up.”
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Q2 2020 hedge fund letters, conferences and more
Pig Sends Brainwaves Telling To Short Tesla Inc
On Friday afternoon Elon Musk unveiled to the world a pig with Neuralink’s chip transplant in it’s brain. According to Musk, the pig named Gertrude has had a Neuralink chip in it’s brain for two months. The goal is to implant chips in human brains, solving aliments such as brain damage, depression, anxiety and even addiction.
Chris Hohn donates millions of dollars every year through his Children’s Investment Fund Foundation. We can get some clues about his favorite hedge funds by looking at the foundation’s 990-PF filing. The 990 for 2019 isn’t out yet, but the filing for the period ending in December 2018 is. Q2 2020 hedge fund letters, conferences Read More
It came as a shock when Gertrude’s brainwaves told the scientists to short Tesla Inc.
“I wasn’t expecting Gertrude to tell us to short Tesla,” an unnamed scientist said. “In fact I wasn’t expecting anything. This whole brain chip is thing is dumb. There is no way anyone is going to consent to get a chip installed in their brain.”
Kevin Myer, an employee at Neuralink, said they all started buying put options on Tesla. “The brain waves this pig was sending was cryptic and disturbing. Gertrude kept saying how the accounts receivables were the Achilles heel.”
Then everything stopped. “Gertrude’s head exploded when she tried to figure out what discount rate to use on Tesla. It was a bloody mess.”
This is a satire article.